Breaking News: Wendy’s Hires Psychics

Ok, I have been thinking about this for some time now and I have decided that the employees at the Wendy’s across the street from where I work are psychic.

Every time I go there, which happens to be quite often since it is cheap and close, I pull up to the speaker to order and then pull around to pay, and before I even get my change, the person who hands me my order is HOLDING MY FOOD OUT THE WINDOW. Ok, now I realize that Wendy’s is fast food. And I also realize that a lot of the food is mostly prepared beforehand. But come on. I always order my sandwiches without pickles, and anywhere else I might go I have to wait at the window at least a few minutes for my order.

I have worked in many, many food service establishments in my day. I have never seen anyone who could cook a burger in less than a minute. So it comes down to one of two reasons: either Wendy’s utilizes some sort of ultra-super-sonic modern cooking method, or they hire psychics. Since I have never heard of this sort of technology, and I try to stay fairly informed, I have deduced that it must be the second reason…they are employing physics.

Now this got me wondering what the going rate for psychics is these days. And not your ordinary, run-of-the-mill psychics. Psychics who are also cooks. My first instinct would be to say minimum wage or something in the general vicinity. But then I wonder, why wouldn’t they work for one of those pay by the minute psychic hotlines? Wouldn’t they make more money that way?

Of course, with the economy the way it is now, perhaps the need for phone psychics is dwindling. Maybe people are just going about their days not knowing what will happen. I know, I am as shocked as you are. How could that be? People can’t actually live their lives like that, can they? I mean, really.

I am going to say it again. We REALLY need a sarcasm font.

Anyway, perhaps these amazing people are now being forced to get regular jobs like the rest of us. They are just using their special gift to help us get our burgers even faster. Because, you know, those 2-3 minutes I have to wait to get my special order at McDonald’s is just too frickin long. Yeah, don’t get me started with the whole impatient, “I want it NOW” attitude that is permeating our culture. That’s another post.

So the next time you are thinking about going to Wendy’s for lunch, do yourself a favor. Close your eyes and concentrate on what you want. Maybe it will be waiting for you when you pull up to the drive-thru.